R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
