For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
