I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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