im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
