You're my little dorito
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
