I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
