So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
