Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
