nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
