Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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