your thong is hanging out like whoa
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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