i don't like sucking hair
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
