Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
