party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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