you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
