Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
