i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
