Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
