Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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