I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
