So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
