so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
