so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
