You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
