I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
