dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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