i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
