I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
