no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
