you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
