used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
