you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
