I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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