so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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