May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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