My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
