he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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