i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
