Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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