Define "chronic" masturbator.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
