never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
