a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
