Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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