On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My life is pants optional.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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