you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
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