she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
