Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
