I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
