"it" just moved
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
