I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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